[She smiles sadly, one hand going up to touch his cheek and then move to go through his hair, dirty but she doesn't even care at this point.]
You... It's not your fault! It's that damn horrible man and I swear--
[She kisses him again before she finishes, not sure how she even wants to end that sentence. Push him in front of a train, dump him in a well, do everything he's done to Jack and more, corrupt his mind from the inside out for even touching him...
A few tears slip out and she brushes them hastily away.]
I thought I was dead without you. Without you here. And Sirius...
[And Sirius was a dead man walking without Jack. But that doesn't need to be said.]
Okay. Okay, I... Yes, I want to. But even if I didn't, even if you didn't want me to, I'm... I want to stay with you at least for now. With both of you.
[She waits until he's moved before she climbs up better beside him, putting her arms around him again. She can feel how thin he is, and how cold, but she's just glad to have him in her hold again.
[She frowns and squeezes his hand. She's not sure if she should ask, if he's ready to tell her, but she understands. She used to refuse to eat in the asylum.]
Jack... Whatever happened in there... I'm here - we both are - whether you're ready to say or not.
[She looks at him.]
Even if you never say. It's your decision. But we're here and we're not going anywhere.
There was another man there. Doe, his name was-- or maybe it wasn't, maybe nobody remembered his name and that's just what Roman called him.
[A pause. He tightens his grip on her.]
I . . . and he was so mad, love, he was so far gone. I don't know how he's gonna come back. And I thought . . . that's . . . that's what I'll be in a few months, I'll just disappear in me own head and that'll be that. And it weren't fair, cuz . . . cuz for the first time, I really . . . everythin' was goin' right, you know? I had a great friend and a house and a steady job and I had-- I had a, a girl I wanted to spend the rest o' me life with.
[She lets him stay close, squeezing him in turn and closing her eyes. She kisses his head and tries not to think about Jack so far gone, catatonic and rambling and mad. She tries not to think about what that horrid man did to him.
She tries. But there are whispers and ideas and she hates those enough.]
You will never go back to something like that. I won't have it. I won't. I refuse...
[To lose him like that might almost be worse than losing him because he was killed or Ported out. She holds him tight.]
I've been mad too much. I don't want to go back to that. Not again.
[His breathing is ragged, too quick and too harsh.]
I went in my head-- I tried to, but he just-- he dragged me back out again, I couldn't ignore it, I never did that much pain in one go before and I wanted-- I wanted it to end any way it could, I begged him to kill me just to stop it. I thought I'd be there forever, I thought I'd never leave.
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[He bumps their noses together, one hand pushing through her hair.]
I'm here and I ain't goin', god, not ever again. I missed you, I kept thinkin' o' you the whole time--
[He's babbling, kissing her between sentences, desperate to be as close to her as he can.]
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You... It's not your fault! It's that damn horrible man and I swear--
[She kisses him again before she finishes, not sure how she even wants to end that sentence. Push him in front of a train, dump him in a well, do everything he's done to Jack and more, corrupt his mind from the inside out for even touching him...
A few tears slip out and she brushes them hastily away.]
I thought I was dead without you. Without you here. And Sirius...
[And Sirius was a dead man walking without Jack. But that doesn't need to be said.]
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Don't matter. Don't matter, because I ain't leavin' you again, love. I won't. I won't, I promise, I won't.
[He kisses her hard again.]
I--
[But this isn't the right time and this isn't the right place and he doesn't even have a ring.]
You-- you should come with us. Live in the firehouse with us. Stay with us.
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She sighs, looking at him. She worries at her lower lip for a moment.]
That... That'll be all right?
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[A beat. He glances back at Sirius, still sleeping on the far side of his bed.]
I'll ask him tomorrow. If-- if you want. You don't gotta.
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If he's okay with it. I... I don't want to be away from you. But I don't want things to be odd.
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[He leans in, kissing her again, their fingers intertwining.]
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Okay. Okay, I... Yes, I want to. But even if I didn't, even if you didn't want me to, I'm... I want to stay with you at least for now. With both of you.
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Here, c'mere. Come up here.
[He scoots back, making room for her on the bed, wishing he wasn't wearing something so idiotic as a hospital gown.]
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She kisses his cheek.]
Very accommodating, Jack Kelly.
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[He shivers and snuggles a bit closer to her, throwing a blanket over them both.]
I'd offer you food, but it's crap, it really is.
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I'm not hungry. It's all right. We'll get you something later.
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Nah, I'm--
[He lifts his arm, showing off an IV.]
I'm set.
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Does it hurt?
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That... That sounds...odd.
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Jack... Whatever happened in there... I'm here - we both are - whether you're ready to say or not.
[She looks at him.]
Even if you never say. It's your decision. But we're here and we're not going anywhere.
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You, uh . . . you'd probably understand better.
[He glances over at Sirius for a moment.]
What people do to other people. You understand that more than he does.
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But he'll want to be there anyway. He cares for you. He'd never let you hurt.
[She threads their fingers together.]
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[He swallows and leans against her.]
God. I, uh, I don't . . . I don't say it enough, you know, but, uh, thank God I got you both this time around.
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You don't need to.
[It should be just as obvious that they're attached to him.]
I love you. We both do.
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[A pause. He stays against her, his eyes closed.]
There was another man there. Doe, his name was-- or maybe it wasn't, maybe nobody remembered his name and that's just what Roman called him.
[A pause. He tightens his grip on her.]
I . . . and he was so mad, love, he was so far gone. I don't know how he's gonna come back. And I thought . . . that's . . . that's what I'll be in a few months, I'll just disappear in me own head and that'll be that. And it weren't fair, cuz . . . cuz for the first time, I really . . . everythin' was goin' right, you know? I had a great friend and a house and a steady job and I had-- I had a, a girl I wanted to spend the rest o' me life with.
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She tries. But there are whispers and ideas and she hates those enough.]
You will never go back to something like that. I won't have it. I won't. I refuse...
[To lose him like that might almost be worse than losing him because he was killed or Ported out. She holds him tight.]
I don't want anything to happen to you. Not ever.
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[His breathing is ragged, too quick and too harsh.]
I went in my head-- I tried to, but he just-- he dragged me back out again, I couldn't ignore it, I never did that much pain in one go before and I wanted-- I wanted it to end any way it could, I begged him to kill me just to stop it. I thought I'd be there forever, I thought I'd never leave.
wtf, I thought I replied to this GDIT LJ
DAMN YOU, LJ.
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