cruelwonder | IC Contact

[She squeezes him gently, holding him close. To go away, to die, to let the world disappear... It's something she knows well. But she says nothing to that effect, just kissing his cheek again and keeping her arms around him.]

He'll never touch you again.

[And she never wants to see him this far gone in her lifetime.]

I'm so sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry.

[He shakes his head and curls against her, falling silent. Eventually, after a time:]

Would you forget it? If you could? If-- if you'd gone through it, and you knew how to forget it all, would you?

[She frowns, keeping close. She strokes his hair.]

After what happened before when I forgot... I don't think I would want to. But it's different for you. You were hurt. I wasn't.

Kind o' a coward's way out, though.

If it's necessary to survive, then it can't be blamed.

Yeah, but . . . what if I can survive? What if I'm just bein' a coward about all this?

I don't think you are.

[She leans against him and hugs him close.]

Can you move beyond it without...losing yourself?

[A pause.]

I don't know.

[He closes his eyes, breathing deeply, his stomach rolling in disgust as his mind flashes back over the past two weeks.]

I've never-- I thought-- I thought after Edelweiss, I could handle him, I could do anythin', but he-- god, he just--

[He buries his face in his hands. Eventually he chokes out:]

There was another guy there, and he-- he cut out his eye and he forced my mouth open and I was half outta my mind and he said it'd kill me if I ate it, it'd kill me and that's all I wanted, love, I just wanted to die and make it stop, and so I ate it.

[His eye. Oh God. She inhales sharply and closes her eyes tightly, moving to hold him a little better so he can rest against her and hide himself. She sets her chin on his head.]

God. I'm... I'm so sorry. That disgusting, horrid excuse for a person--

[She will kill Roman Sionis if she ever meets him. She will.

She lowers her voice to a whisper.]

You didn't have a choice, Jack. You didn't. I would have... I would have wanted to die too, if that had been the case...

[He nods, his hands still to his face. He can still taste him, and that makes a shudder run through him.]

And I can't stop thinkin' about it, but what do that make me if I can't even remember it? I-- I shouldn't keep runnin', I should face it and I should just deal with it, but I can't even eat no more.

Anyone else would do the same. There... There are some things people should never experience and never have to live with, Jack. This... This is one of them.

[He shakes his head again, falling silent.]

I don't know. I don't . . . he probably won't even do it. I don't know. Maybe I'll-- I'll ask him and I'll see if he even will.

[She pauses.]

...Ask who?

[He gives a rough laugh and pulls away, pushing his hair away from his face.]

Sorry. I forgot . . . Sirius. He can erase memories. He-- he did it last time. That's what made me blind, that's the spell he was tryin'. He was messin' around with me Edelweiss memories-- he's done it before-- but it backfired that time, and now he probably won't dare do it again.

[She frowns, looking over at Sirius and then back at him.]

Is that...what you really want to do?

I don't know.

[It's not snappish, but rather anguished.]

Christ, I don't . . . half o' me don't even care, I'll take blindness over these memories, but hell, Alice, it was bad enough once.

[She nods, understanding. And then she leans forward and kisses his forehead.]

I know. Perhaps... Perhaps it'll work this time.

[He sighs and nods, lying down, resting his head in her lap.]

Sorry. Didn't mean to-- to yell at you.

[She lets him get comfortable before she starts stroking back his hair.]

You didn't hurt me. I think it's quite impossible for you to by now.

And thank Christ for that.

[A long pause.]

I love you.

Mm.

[Very well said. She dips her head to kiss his hair.]

I love you too, Jack. I'm so happy to have you back with me. With us.

Glad to be back, darlin'.

I think . . . I'm gonna sleep a bit. You-- you gonna stay?

[She nods.]

Of course. I'll be right here with you.

[She's not leaving his side anytime soon.]

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wtf, I thought I replied to this GDIT LJ

DAMN YOU, LJ.

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