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[He nods.]

Here, c'mere. Come up here.

[He scoots back, making room for her on the bed, wishing he wasn't wearing something so idiotic as a hospital gown.]

[She waits until he's moved before she climbs up better beside him, putting her arms around him again. She can feel how thin he is, and how cold, but she's just glad to have him in her hold again.

She kisses his cheek.]

Very accommodating, Jack Kelly.

Only the best for you, love.

[He shivers and snuggles a bit closer to her, throwing a blanket over them both.]

I'd offer you food, but it's crap, it really is.

[She smiles, letting him get comfortable. Between her and Sirius, maybe they can keep him warm.]

I'm not hungry. It's all right. We'll get you something later.

[He wrinkles his nose.]

Nah, I'm--

[He lifts his arm, showing off an IV.]

I'm set.

[She frowns at it. She's not very aware of all the advances in medicine, but she puts her hand in his.]

Does it hurt?

Nah. Just puts vitamins and all that in me without me havin' to eat it.

[wtf]

That... That sounds...odd.

Yeah, it, uh, modern medicine is funny like that. Better than eatin', though.

[She frowns and squeezes his hand. She's not sure if she should ask, if he's ready to tell her, but she understands. She used to refuse to eat in the asylum.]

Jack... Whatever happened in there... I'm here - we both are - whether you're ready to say or not.

[She looks at him.]

Even if you never say. It's your decision. But we're here and we're not going anywhere.

[He nods.]

You, uh . . . you'd probably understand better.

[He glances over at Sirius for a moment.]

What people do to other people. You understand that more than he does.

[She follows his gaze to Sirius.]

But he'll want to be there anyway. He cares for you. He'd never let you hurt.

[She threads their fingers together.]

I know.

[He swallows and leans against her.]

God. I, uh, I don't . . . I don't say it enough, you know, but, uh, thank God I got you both this time around.

[She keeps him close and kisses his head, resting her forehead against him.]

You don't need to.

[It should be just as obvious that they're attached to him.]

I love you. We both do.

I know. I love you too. Both o' you.

[A pause. He stays against her, his eyes closed.]

There was another man there. Doe, his name was-- or maybe it wasn't, maybe nobody remembered his name and that's just what Roman called him.

[A pause. He tightens his grip on her.]

I . . . and he was so mad, love, he was so far gone. I don't know how he's gonna come back. And I thought . . . that's . . . that's what I'll be in a few months, I'll just disappear in me own head and that'll be that. And it weren't fair, cuz . . . cuz for the first time, I really . . . everythin' was goin' right, you know? I had a great friend and a house and a steady job and I had-- I had a, a girl I wanted to spend the rest o' me life with.

[She lets him stay close, squeezing him in turn and closing her eyes. She kisses his head and tries not to think about Jack so far gone, catatonic and rambling and mad. She tries not to think about what that horrid man did to him.

She tries. But there are whispers and ideas and she hates those enough.]

You will never go back to something like that. I won't have it. I won't. I refuse...

[To lose him like that might almost be worse than losing him because he was killed or Ported out. She holds him tight.]

I don't want anything to happen to you. Not ever.

I've been mad too much. I don't want to go back to that. Not again.

[His breathing is ragged, too quick and too harsh.]

I went in my head-- I tried to, but he just-- he dragged me back out again, I couldn't ignore it, I never did that much pain in one go before and I wanted-- I wanted it to end any way it could, I begged him to kill me just to stop it. I thought I'd be there forever, I thought I'd never leave.

[She squeezes him gently, holding him close. To go away, to die, to let the world disappear... It's something she knows well. But she says nothing to that effect, just kissing his cheek again and keeping her arms around him.]

He'll never touch you again.

[And she never wants to see him this far gone in her lifetime.]

I'm so sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry.

[He shakes his head and curls against her, falling silent. Eventually, after a time:]

Would you forget it? If you could? If-- if you'd gone through it, and you knew how to forget it all, would you?

[She frowns, keeping close. She strokes his hair.]

After what happened before when I forgot... I don't think I would want to. But it's different for you. You were hurt. I wasn't.

Kind o' a coward's way out, though.

If it's necessary to survive, then it can't be blamed.

Yeah, but . . . what if I can survive? What if I'm just bein' a coward about all this?

I don't think you are.

[She leans against him and hugs him close.]

Can you move beyond it without...losing yourself?

[A pause.]

I don't know.

[He closes his eyes, breathing deeply, his stomach rolling in disgust as his mind flashes back over the past two weeks.]

I've never-- I thought-- I thought after Edelweiss, I could handle him, I could do anythin', but he-- god, he just--

[He buries his face in his hands. Eventually he chokes out:]

There was another guy there, and he-- he cut out his eye and he forced my mouth open and I was half outta my mind and he said it'd kill me if I ate it, it'd kill me and that's all I wanted, love, I just wanted to die and make it stop, and so I ate it.

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wtf, I thought I replied to this GDIT LJ

DAMN YOU, LJ.

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